mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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