my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
