my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
