i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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