yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
