I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't deserve a penis
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
