the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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