Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
