I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
