I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
