the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Soap is not a condiment
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
