only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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