More tranny stories later!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
