I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
