I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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