remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
