im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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