proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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