apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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