a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
