She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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