my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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