Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
