Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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