If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
