I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i barfeds in our rink
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
