So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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