Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
