They should really pass out barf bags in church
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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