Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
