I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
