Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm at about main and main street
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
