Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
