I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
