How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
