If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
