wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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