So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize