Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Green mimosas i think yes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
