sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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