The maid of honor just puked.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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