She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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