you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
