I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
