Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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