I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
