I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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