Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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