literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
