I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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