So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
