i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
