It was confusing and full of hummus
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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