It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
