You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
