i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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