dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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