That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
