I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
