capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize