i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
