the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
